Just Commit Me

I've seriously gone crazy.  It's time to call in the help.  There's a crazy on the loose...

I want another baby.  Not just a general want.  I REALLY want another baby.  It's hard to explain.  It's not one of those "ooh I want babies" crazy woman things.  I just feel my family isn't completely until I've had one last baby.  I know that's all I want.  Is just one more.  When I had Josie, I knew I wanted more children, but wasn't really sure how many more.  After I had the twins, I knew for sure, I wanted one more.  For the past 2 years, I've known this.  That I want to have one last baby.

For the past month, this feeling has been hitting me even harder.  I don't know why.  I'm just crazy.  Lord knows I can't handle another.  I mean mentally yes I can.  But could my back stand up to it?

This feeling gets even crazier.  I've already picked out a name for a girl.  Guess I'm really hoping for one.  Just for the sake of sharing, the name that is sticking with me hard is Avalee Fayth.  Her first name would be pronounced Ava-Lee (so long A sound at the start, not short A).  And it sure as heck doesn't help that I keep having baby dreams!!  I keep having dreams that I'm pregnant.  I've even had a few dreams that I was in labor, dreams that I had the baby (and not all of those dreams were fun).  I've had both good dreams of babies, and bad scary dreams.

Maybe the feeling is just hitting me so hard because I'm getting older.  I do know, or rather I have decided, that if I'm not at least pregnant by the time I turn 30, I'm done.  I don't want to be in my 40's and have an infant.  My biological family doesn't age well.  So if family genes continue, I will with out a doubt look like my child's grandmother.  Don't want that.

James knows I want another baby, but isn't ready to really acknowledge it.  And I'm not ready to push the issue.  I figure first, get the twins potty trained (another topic to discuss later).  Having two babies right now has him (ok me too) just a tad stressed.  Plus the cost of diapers.  I don't want three babies at once in diapers.  He'll come around to it eventually.  I hope.  I will NOT pressure him into having another baby.  As much as I want one more, I refuse to be one of those women.  James is one of those guys sadly.  If I told him I really wanted one, he'd do it.  Just because that's what I wanted and he wants to keep me happy.  I won't pressure him.  I want him to want a baby also.

Ok, think I'll get off my rant now.  I know I'm crazy.  I know I need help.

Signed,
Super Mom