Field Trip to Recycle Center

Ok, I must be the worst parent ever lol. Today Tori had a feel trip to some sort of recycle center. They sent home a notice telling us to make sure she packed a lunch for that day, and to please pack things that were recyclable. So, I packed her a lunch. It was packed inside a brown paper bag. It included a sandwich packed inside a plastic sandwich container (the paper said no plastic baggies). Then I sent a snack size package of craisins, a fiber one bar (she loves these things) and an apple juice in a cardboard type box.

Yeah, the only thing she had that she could recycle was the paper bag! LOL She told me the rest went to landfill. Can't believe I sent my little girl with "trash". I thought for sure that at least the juice box could be recycle.

It's not too easy to find snacks that are in a package that can be recycled. Someone please direct me to the recycle aisle please. My daughter told me I need to be more earth friendly.

Oh well, better luck next time.

And She's Gone

Well, yesterday was officially Nicole's last day here. She tried acting all sad, but I didn't go for it. And when she hugged me goodbye, I didn't hug her back.

I know that was very immature and mean. But you know what, I wanted her to know what it felt like. I was so sick of the way she kept treating me. Oh well, let her birth mother have fun with all that. They were made for each other.

I've been trying to explain to Josie, that Nicole is not coming back. So far she seems un-phased by it and just keeps asking if she can sleep on her (Nicole's) bed. It's kinda sad really. Of course I told Josie yes she could sleep there. But made she to keep explaining she would not see Nicole again.

It's so sad. The three youngest kids will grow up not knowing her. Wow, I just realized we don't even have a picture of her on the wall. Not on purpose though. Miles had knocked it down (along with a few other pictures) and I just haven't got around to putting it back up. As it stands, Nicole isn't even allowed to come over to visit on the weekends. She caused too much stress.

Now, I"m not the only one with these feelings. James (her dad) feels the same way. In fact, it was his idea to send her to live with her mom. Not mine. I was looking for other solutions. I even suggested a summer at my mom's. This way, it was just a couple months. Plus it would be during summer vacation. Of course, he didn't go for that idea. He thinks my parents are too weird. Can't blame him there lol.

She will be missed. I just hope one day she wakes up and realizes that I was there by her side all along.

Spine Surgeon Update

Well, I went for the appointment I've waiting for. I don't know how I feel about it. He was nice about it all, but I just, I don't know.

He took some xrays of my back, which I expected. He told me what was wrong with it, which I already knew about. He told me I have 5 choices for treating my back-

1. Live with it and deal with the pain
2. Epidural Injections
3. Neuropathic Medicines
4. Physical Therapy
5. Surgery

I've already done options 1, 2 and 3. I don't want to jump right into surgery. Yet, I don't want to wait months on end to see if it would help. I decided to try PT first. Maybe I'll get lucky. He did tell me that if I changed my mind at any point, to just call. They'll schedule my surgery without me having to come back in. Even if I changed my mind before I even made it home, I could call and do surgery.

The doctor did make me cry. God I felt like a fool for that. It just came out of no where, he wasn't even being mean. He asked to see my teeth and I fell apart lol. Just instantly. He really was being polite about it though. Said he just wanted to see how bad they were. Apparently bad teeth can cause back pain. I'm not making that connection, but whatever. He told me it would be a risk to do surgery without having my teeth fixed first. Having an infection or abscess in my teeth could travel to my spine and cause an infection in my back during surgery.

He didn't say he'd refuse to do the surgery. But that I needed to be aware of those risks.

As if I haven't tried getting them fixed. Last time I seen a dentist, he wanted $3000 up front before he would even do the first bit of work on my teeth. And that was only part of what it would cost.

I don't know, that's a whole other topic.

Been a While

Nothing too exciting has happened since I was gone past 2 weeks. Still having problems with Nicole. She ran away from home and had child services called on me. Very long story there, and won't get into it now. But it ended well, as far as child services is involved. The lady deemed us a safe home and left. Thank God. As a result of everything from her, she is moving back in with her mom. The date is set, April 9th. And sadly, yes, I am counting down the days. I just can't handle her stress anymore. No one can.

Josie lost a tooth. Another one is working its way out. She's letting them fall out naturally. Well sorta. With this second one, not so much. Earlier, she decided to stick a connector to a glow stick over the tooth. Yeah well it sorta got stuck, she freaked and yanked it off. In the process it really pulled on the tooth. So, tooth fairy will probably be making a visit again in the next few days.

We're still having problems with ants. Finally spent money on Terro. It better do it's job. I put some traps in the main bath next to the hole the ants keep spilling from. Checked it 10 minutes later and the ants were all over. I wanted to vomit. I nearly washed them all away. I so hate the waiting process of this. I also put some in the master bath. OMG I didn't realize we had so many in there. They are living in the shower door railing. It was so gross watching them. when I first put a dab of the bait (yeah I poured some out of the trap lol), there were only a couple ants out. Less then 30 seconds later they were piled so close together it was the size of a half dollar.

They better go away. I'm tired of them.

I'm just tired in general. Days are moving are so slow anymore. Think it's because I'm waiting on the 6th. That's when I go see the spine surgeon and figure out how to fix my back.

Oh well. More chattering laters.