Bawling Like a Baby

I really should stop this crying.  It's only making my headache worse.  But I can't help it.  I'm terrified.  Scared of the pain that is to come.

I'm finally out of all pain medicine.  I worked up enough courage to call the spine surgeon.  What a waste.  I explained my situation and it did no good.

I asked if the doctor could call in a refill for my Ultram.  I explained that they are 1.5 hours away, so making an appointment just for a refill wasn't ideal.  It would cost me $30 in gas, another $35 for the copay and then $10 for the medicine.  I had hoped that since it's been a few months that there wouldn't be any problems.  But I was wrong.  They told me I have to go to a primary care doctor.

There's a couple problems with that.  One being I don't have a primary care doctor.  Not since moving to this town.  Why go to a regular everyday doctor for leg spasms when you know they'll just send you on to a specialist?  And then the past, I've had a hard time with getting a primary care doctor to treat me for something I've been seeing a specialist for.  They always tell me I have to talk to the specialist.  So I just go in circles.

My pain levels don't go below a 6 after pain meds.  I know that isn't too bad.  It's manageable.  And I've suffered through one day of the terrible level 10 pain.  But it was only one day.  How am I going to live everyday stuck on that level?

I think I'm ready to hide now.

Signed,
Super Mom