Five People

Throughout our lives we meet so many people.  Some are only in passing.  You talk with a stranger on the bus. Soothe the worried mom in the emergency room.  Some change your day, some change your life.  Today, I'm going to list five people who changed my life in a good way.

1.  Mrs. Ronda Modglin.  She was my sixth and seventh grade math teacher.  She was a very caring woman.  The type of teacher you trusted and always felt comfortable about.  She is top on my list.  She changed my life dramatically.  In the seventh grade she noticed a downfall in my math skills.  I was very good back then, I loved math.  So one day she pulled me to the side and told me to spill the beans.  And I did.  Through all the tears and sobbing, she listened.  And when I was done, she just held me.  The way a mother holds her child when they are sick or sad.  It felt so good.  As a result of that day, I was removed from my birth father's home and placed with my birth mother.  I had felt like life was over before that day.  Because of her, I kept moving forward.

2.  Mrs. Gough.  She was my 8th grade computer class teacher.  Similar to my math teacher in every way.  A woman, teacher, you felt comfortable spilling your guts too.  So when she pulled me to the side, that's what I did, again.  I told her of the various abuse I had going on at home.  I showed her the cuts I had covering my arms.  It didn't take long for her to make some calls.  Through this transition of waiting for police to show up, being moved from place to place, she followed me.  When we were in the car, she held my hand.  When we were waiting in some random office, she kept her arms protectively wrapped around me.  Again, another amazing teacher that saved my life.

3.  Cari Parker.  This is my mom.  No, not the woman that gave birth to me.  I was adopted when I was 16.  She took me in with no questions.  She knew I was a troubled teen, but she saw potential in me that no one else would take the time to see.  Cari didn't see me as a piece of garbage to throw out.  I love my mom with my everything.  I dread the day she will no longer be there for me.  I don't even want to think of life without her here.

4.  The nurse that taught me to breastfeed.  I know that probably sounds strange.  When I was pregnant with Josie, I wasn't sure if I would breastfeed or not.  It looked like a natural thing to do, but also seemed a little weird.  When it came time to have Josie, I decided to give it a try.  The nurse brought her to me and showed me several positions.  She also showed me how to use those positions without the side rails up (after all, my bed doesn't have those and the football hold isn't that easy without that extra support lol).  She gave me all sorts of tips and advice.  Printed out materials for me and went over everything.  She even posted a sign in my room and on the door that said "This Momma breastfeeds.  No pacifiers, no sugar water.  If it ain't the boob, keep it away.".  I still laugh today thinking back to those signs.  But I'm very thankful for her and the signs.  When I was exhausted, she helped me through it.

Because of that great experience, when I became pregnant with the twins, I knew I could handle the challenge. Little did I know, I would have tons of difficulties.  Things didn't work out as planned with the twins.  And I didn't have a good support team at home or at the hospital.  But, I gave it my all.  I had to give them formula, but it wasn't from lack of trying.  If I have any more kids in the future, breastfeeding will still be my number one choice.

5.  And finally, my little brother Donny.  He was also adopted, but as a baby.  Donny was born 8 1/2 weeks premature, cocaine addicted, has fetal alcohol syndrome and spina bifida.  Doctor after doctor said he was a lost cause.  Donny would never walk.  Never talk.  Never feed himself, go to the bathroom.  Be able to run and play with other kids.  He proved them all wrong.  Yes, Donny has some issues today, but NOTHING like the doctors predicted.  He runs, jumps, skips, swims, hops and plays just like any other little boy with zero problem.  He feeds himself, dresses himself, ties his own shoes.  And if you wanted too, he can sit for hours talking about anything and everything.  His speech isn't always clear, but you can definitely understand what he says without a struggle.  He can control his bladder, but not his bowels.  Donny doesn't let that stop him from being a happy kid.  He has taught me that life is worth living.  That no problem is worth moping around about.  That no matter what life throws at you, ALWAYS make strawberry milk (his philosophy haha).

There are many other important people in my life.  And a few people I've met along the way that aren't in my life that I still value greatly.  I could probably go on and on with a never ending list.  But for today, I wanted to share with you all my top 5 and the reasons why.

Signed,
Super Mom

Misery is Missing Company

I'm beginning to live my life in misery.  The Neurontin isn't doing much to help me.  My "good" days have been better, but not more frequent.  The ratio is generally 10 good, 20 bad of 30 days.  I still only have "10 good".  Only difference is instead of my pain level being around 6, it's at about 4.  My bad days continue to sit at 8 or 9.  Of course the good/bad days fluctuate from week to week.  Just because I went one month with 10 good days doesn't mean next month will be the same.  I could get lucky and have more good days, or, misery can join me and my good days could be less.

I went to the doctor for my one month follow up.  I detest this guy.  He has things so strict that I have no choice but to suffer through the near crippling pain.  He wrote me a prescription for 60 Vicodin, to last 60 days.  He told me he wouldn't refill it before then.  But I'm also not allowed to get pain meds anywhere else.  If I do, then he will "black list" me, making it difficult to find a doctor that will prescribe them.  This past month was TERRIBLE.  I went through 46 of those 60 pills.  I had 3 days in there where I thought for sure my right ovary exploded.  The pain was intense enough I wanted to go to the ER.  The only reason I didn't was because I had no one to watch the twins.....

....and the doctor would black list me.

I was going to see my GYNO about it.  But I didn't....

....because the PCP would black list me.  If I had seen my GYNO he would have Rx'ed pain medication.  He understands that I do have pain.  He's also aware that I could potentially take what he prescribes for something else (the back pain).

I try my best to make them stretch.  I take Midol, Aleve, Advil, Excedrin....and all their generics.  At best my pain level *might* go down one notch.  Generally I have to take 4 at a time.  Personally I think it's ridiculous to expect a person living with chronic pain to only take one Vicodin a day.  Most days I want to take 6 or more.  The only reason I don't though is my fear of running out.  Because once I'm out, that's it.  I have to wait until the 2 months is up before this jackass PCP will refill it.

So, tonight I'm down to 11 pills left.  My next appointment isn't until May 29th.  There's no way I can make it last that long.  Tomorrow I'm going to look up some more doctors and make a list.  And dang it, I'm going into interview mode.  I don't care what they think of me.  If they want to think I'm just a drug seeker then it's off to the next doctor.  I'm bound to find someone who is willing to listen and care about my situation.  Someone who understands I'd rather have enough medication to take at least 3 a day.  I don't need them every day.  I am able to skip a day or two.  Usually once I return to my bad day, I'm taking the pills I skipped on my good days.

Just ugh!!  I'm sick of being in pain and finding no relief or understanding from the doctors!!!!

Signed,
Super Mom