I'm beginning to live my life in misery. The Neurontin isn't doing much to help me. My "good" days have been better, but not more frequent. The ratio is generally 10 good, 20 bad of 30 days. I still only have "10 good". Only difference is instead of my pain level being around 6, it's at about 4. My bad days continue to sit at 8 or 9. Of course the good/bad days fluctuate from week to week. Just because I went one month with 10 good days doesn't mean next month will be the same. I could get lucky and have more good days, or, misery can join me and my good days could be less.
I went to the doctor for my one month follow up. I detest this guy. He has things so strict that I have no choice but to suffer through the near crippling pain. He wrote me a prescription for 60 Vicodin, to last 60 days. He told me he wouldn't refill it before then. But I'm also not allowed to get pain meds anywhere else. If I do, then he will "black list" me, making it difficult to find a doctor that will prescribe them. This past month was TERRIBLE. I went through 46 of those 60 pills. I had 3 days in there where I thought for sure my right ovary exploded. The pain was intense enough I wanted to go to the ER. The only reason I didn't was because I had no one to watch the twins.....
....and the doctor would black list me.
I was going to see my GYNO about it. But I didn't....
....because the PCP would black list me. If I had seen my GYNO he would have Rx'ed pain medication. He understands that I do have pain. He's also aware that I could potentially take what he prescribes for something else (the back pain).
I try my best to make them stretch. I take Midol, Aleve, Advil, Excedrin....and all their generics. At best my pain level *might* go down one notch. Generally I have to take 4 at a time. Personally I think it's ridiculous to expect a person living with chronic pain to only take one Vicodin a day. Most days I want to take 6 or more. The only reason I don't though is my fear of running out. Because once I'm out, that's it. I have to wait until the 2 months is up before this jackass PCP will refill it.
So, tonight I'm down to 11 pills left. My next appointment isn't until May 29th. There's no way I can make it last that long. Tomorrow I'm going to look up some more doctors and make a list. And dang it, I'm going into interview mode. I don't care what they think of me. If they want to think I'm just a drug seeker then it's off to the next doctor. I'm bound to find someone who is willing to listen and care about my situation. Someone who understands I'd rather have enough medication to take at least 3 a day. I don't need them every day. I am able to skip a day or two. Usually once I return to my bad day, I'm taking the pills I skipped on my good days.
Just ugh!! I'm sick of being in pain and finding no relief or understanding from the doctors!!!!
Signed,
Super Mom
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