So I did something the other day, and just can't stop thinking about it. I mean I went from elated, to feeling like a terrible mom, to feeling proud of myself.
The other day, we had an outing to our local Walmart store. This isn't unusual. It's also pretty normal that every time we go, the kids get a new toy, a "soda" (normally a water, milk or juice) or some candy. However, on this trip, I had already decided no toys for the girls. Maybe the boys, but not the girls. My reasoning for this? When the girls get a new toy, it's usually about $20--that's each, for two girls. The boys however are stuck with a $1 hot wheel. Sometimes we "splurge" and let them pick out a $3 toy, but not often.
So when my 6 year old asked if she could get a toy before we left, I told her no. And when she proceeded to beg and whine, I stood firm. Which was followed by her throwing a fit. So I simply explained to her that she ruined all chances of me changing my mind while at the store. I explained that she had put me in the position of teaching her negative behavior (I made sure to not say "bad"). I told her that if I had bought her a toy, then she would be learning that it if I said no, then all she had to do was throw a fit and Mommy would cave and buy her a toy. Something I have been guilty of doing, several times, just so I wouldn't have to deal with the fit.
While at the store, I held strong. She asked once for a toy, and I reminded her of why she wouldn't be getting one that day. A few minutes later, she asked if she could have a dress. My thought process was "well, it's not a toy". So, I walked her to the $10 dress selections, told her to find one her size she liked. We didn't put it in the cart however. I then made her ask her dad if she could have the dress. After all, he is a little more firm that I am when it comes to her. He did agree she could have the dress.
However, later she "lost" the dress. I don't remember what happened exactly. But at one point, my husband told her to stop [doing whatever it was she was doing]. When she didn't listen, he threatened to put the dress back if she didn't listen. Still, she whined some more, and I told her to stop. And that's when it happened. She got even louder (not exactly super loud)--and I put the dress back! She then began to really throw a fit, begging and crying for the dress back. And I made my husband keep walking. She didn't get her new dress. And I held my place. I followed through with an action. And I just let her throw her fit.
I felt elated, happy, thrilled. Then on the very short drive home, I felt like a terrible person for not getting that dress for my daughter. I told myself I could have just put it up until she earned it a day later. And then I stomped out those thoughts and feelings. What I did was the right thing. And very hard for me. I spoil Josie, everyone knows this. I spoil all my kids, but Josie is given more leeway. And I really need to stop with that. She isn't a baby anymore. In a couple months, she will be 7 years old. She knows right from wrong (in most situations). However, this is one thing I have failed my daughter with. I have taught her that in this situation, doing the wrong thing is the right thing.
Will I continue to hold strong with her? Probably not. It's going to be a learning process for us both. And it's going to take time for us to adjust. I did have a talk with her once we were home and she had calmed down. I [again] explained the reason she did not get a new toy OR dress. And, remember, before we even left for the store, I did explain why she would not be allowed a new toy.
Oh yeah, this Mom is finally getting the bigger picture. Anywho, I just had to share that somewhere other than my head.
Signed,
Super Mom
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