Crazy Scary Dream

So I thought that if I made last night's post that I would sleep easy, sleep good.  But nope, I think it just made for worse dreaming.  I had yet another dream of being pregnant.  Only this time, I was having a boy and James left me.

It was so darn scary.  The hospital was even creepy.  The doctors were friendly.  But the place itself wasn't.  It wasn't well constructed.  There was some sort of storm in my dream.  And it didn't happen until after I was in labor and at the hospital.  All the windows in the hospital kept shattering.  Didn't matter what room I ran too, the windows just fell apart.

In my dream, James and I had some sort of fight.  I don't remember what about, but he left me.  So I was alone when I went to have the baby.  And once I did have the baby, I couldn't name him.  For the life of me, I could not settle on a boy's name that I liked.  I loved the baby in my dream, I just couldn't give him a name.

It was just weird.  I think it was a mix of my post last night and the movie I watched haha (The Back-Up Plan).  Either way, I don't want to go through that again.  Honestly, the worst part of it was James' leaving me and wanting nothing to do with me or our new  baby.

Ok, got that out of my system.

Signed,
Super Mom

Just Commit Me

I've seriously gone crazy.  It's time to call in the help.  There's a crazy on the loose...

I want another baby.  Not just a general want.  I REALLY want another baby.  It's hard to explain.  It's not one of those "ooh I want babies" crazy woman things.  I just feel my family isn't completely until I've had one last baby.  I know that's all I want.  Is just one more.  When I had Josie, I knew I wanted more children, but wasn't really sure how many more.  After I had the twins, I knew for sure, I wanted one more.  For the past 2 years, I've known this.  That I want to have one last baby.

For the past month, this feeling has been hitting me even harder.  I don't know why.  I'm just crazy.  Lord knows I can't handle another.  I mean mentally yes I can.  But could my back stand up to it?

This feeling gets even crazier.  I've already picked out a name for a girl.  Guess I'm really hoping for one.  Just for the sake of sharing, the name that is sticking with me hard is Avalee Fayth.  Her first name would be pronounced Ava-Lee (so long A sound at the start, not short A).  And it sure as heck doesn't help that I keep having baby dreams!!  I keep having dreams that I'm pregnant.  I've even had a few dreams that I was in labor, dreams that I had the baby (and not all of those dreams were fun).  I've had both good dreams of babies, and bad scary dreams.

Maybe the feeling is just hitting me so hard because I'm getting older.  I do know, or rather I have decided, that if I'm not at least pregnant by the time I turn 30, I'm done.  I don't want to be in my 40's and have an infant.  My biological family doesn't age well.  So if family genes continue, I will with out a doubt look like my child's grandmother.  Don't want that.

James knows I want another baby, but isn't ready to really acknowledge it.  And I'm not ready to push the issue.  I figure first, get the twins potty trained (another topic to discuss later).  Having two babies right now has him (ok me too) just a tad stressed.  Plus the cost of diapers.  I don't want three babies at once in diapers.  He'll come around to it eventually.  I hope.  I will NOT pressure him into having another baby.  As much as I want one more, I refuse to be one of those women.  James is one of those guys sadly.  If I told him I really wanted one, he'd do it.  Just because that's what I wanted and he wants to keep me happy.  I won't pressure him.  I want him to want a baby also.

Ok, think I'll get off my rant now.  I know I'm crazy.  I know I need help.

Signed,
Super Mom

Something Random

Last night James and I were chatting.  Somehow, we came to the topic of the crazy things we Moms do.  And here's a few we came up with (really is entertaining!)

You know you're a mom when---

1.  You do a little dance every time the UPS drops off a package, usually containing your monthly supply of baby diapers.

2.  You count on the sprinkles on each kids cupcake to make sure it's equal and fair.

3.  You hope ketchup is a vegetable, it's your child's main food.

4.  You lock YOURSELF in a closet, just for a moment of peace.

5.  You see your child is about to vomit, you instantly stick your hand out to catch it.

6.  You sing a lullaby to your husband before tucking him in at night.

7.  You can't decide to be European or American, so you only shave one leg at a time.

8.  You watch an entire episode of Dora the Explorer, play along with her games, and once it's over you realize the kids are sleeping.

9.  You decide to throw a party, invite all your friends, all because your child used the potty.

10.. You count the number of poopy diapers your child has a day.

11.  You sign a check in crayon.

12.  You have your own "101 Ways to Use a Baby Wipe" guide, which does not involve changing a diaper.

13.  Your idea of a spa is taking an uninterrupted shower.

14.  You do the army crawl under the crib at 2am to find a pacifier like your life depends on it.

15.  You are at the store, alone, hear a child call "Mommy" and instantly you look around.


Ok there are more I'm sure.  But these are the ones I can remember use discussing last night.  I thought they were pretty funny and wanted to share.  It's about time I shared something "upbeat" instead of all my downers.

Signed,
Super Mom

So Hungry

The title is true.  I'm so hungry.  Starving.  Yet, nothing I can eat.  Don't get me wrong.  Have cabinets stuffed with food.  Just nothing for me.  I promise I'm not that picky of an eater.  We even have plenty of foods in there that I love.

So what's the problem?  I can't eat it.  My teeth are so screwed up that the act of chewing hurts.  I can't eat anything firm.  Even pasta hurts, but it's doable.  Problem is, I'm out of the foods I can eat.  Which are limited--mac n cheese, ramen noodles and oatmeal.  Go figure I've dropped 7 pounds in the past 2 weeks.  I'm starving myself, and certainly not by choice.

I just want to crawl into a hole and never emerge.

I have one single box of mac n cheese left.  Boys will have that for lunch.  If I'm lucky they won't be that hungry and there will be a little left for me.  If not, looks like yet another day of no food for me.

Signed,
Super Mom

All About Her

I want to take a moment to brag about Tori.  I realize I don't speak of her often.  I took this photo of her tonight, and it just blows me away.  She's growing into a beautiful girl.  I can't believe that she'll be 10 years old next month!

Tori is very smart.  I know, parents always say this about their children.  My saying it doesn't mean much.  But I mean it.  When we got her test results back from last year (think it was MAP tests, don't remember for sure off hand), it showed that she was way above average in every category.  She's in the 4th grade and is reading 7th grade level.

Speaking of her reading skills, I had to fight with the school over that one.  Last year Tori really wanted to read the Harry Potter series.  However, the school refused to let her check them out because they are considered 6th grade reading level (and Tori was a 3rd grader).  I explained that it wasn't above her reading skills.  At the time, she was reading The Chronicles of Narnia at home.  Personally, I think that book is much more advanced then HP.  And, she had no problems reading it.  She's a very avid reader.  I like to think part of that is because of me.  When she was younger (before school), I was always reading to her.  The year I homeschooled Brandyn, I also worked with her.  Nothing major, focus was mostly on reading.  Never forced it on her though.  If she didn't want to do it, we didn't.  But, 9 out of 10 times she was happy to read (or be read too).  Once she started school and had access to a variety of books, she just took off from there.

Back to the fight with the school.  It started back in March 2011, carried through summer school too.  Finally at the beginning of this school year they decided to test her reading skills.  That was when they determined her reading skill is at 7.5.  Which means 7th grade level and possibly a few select from the 8th grade level.  I received this test score and a full apology from some of the school staff.  I had it framed for a while.

Tori is very outgoing in everything she does.  I just can't say enough about her.  I have a feeling I'll get all scattered.  On top of her love for reading, she also enjoys writing and drawing.  The other night (ok sometime last week) we pulled out her old journals.  The ones from school and home.  I counted over 50 of them.  Each page was filled with writing and pictures.  They were started in 1st grade.  Every entry had it's own drawing.  And each entry was different.  One day she would write about something that happened, the next it would be a made up story.  Always unpredictable, but always fun to read.

Oh she's also a girly girl and a tomboy at the same time.  She's the girl you can find outside in a pretty dress, hair fixed up and stomping in a mud puddle throwing worms (I've learned how to get them mud stains out, took lots of trial and error with the way she plays).  I'm glad she loves to be a girl, yet isn't afraid to get her hands dirty.  I seen a picture of her today at the school that was just awesome.  She was holding an alligator (or maybe it was a crocodile, I didn't study the picture hard enough to check which one it was).  She had a huge grin on her face.

Ok I could keep going on, but I'll stop for now.  Not feeling good tonight.  But I wanted to take a moment to brag on Tori.  I'm going to search through my emails.  I have one somewhere with a coupon for free photo prints.  I want to have this one printed on  quality paper and framed! (yes I realize there are distractions in the background, but it isn't too bad really.  And I love this picture of her--she's actually smiling!).

Signed,

Super Mom

Rush Time

Well, it's snowing out there.  Really wish we still had the van (even though it was crappy and couldn't go anywhere with it).  All the kids had to walk to the bus stop in the snow.  Kinda sucks.  It's going to really suck when it temperature starts to really drop.  There was someone last year that would give Tori a ride.  However, this year there are 5 kids walking out my door.  Between his 3 kids, his wife and Stephanie (girl that used to walk with us in the mornings until it became colder)--there's just no room.  And this is one of those "all or none" moments.

The girls have their Christmas program tonight.  Neither have a dress to wear.  I'll have to make up for that in hair.  I've already decided to give them both a waterfall french braid and then add some curls.  The program starts at 7pm, but won't end until around 8pm or later.  It's kindergarten through 6th grade performing tonight.  Might even have preschool in there too, not sure offhand. 

Thanks to a friend, I made Josie a fun lunch today.  I made her a Nutella Sandwich--and used a star cookie cutter.  So she gets to eat star sandwiches for lunch!  Then I opened up a block of cheese and cut a piece off the whole thing.  From that I managed managed 3 butterflies and a giraffe (thank you Playdough for your dough cutters haha).  I stacked them inside a sandwich holder (does that make sense? One of those plastic storage containers designed for sandwiches).  And then I stuck in 2 paper muffin cups--one was filled with grapes, the other had chocolate goldfish crackers.  She seemed excited about it.

I am determined to re-read a book today.  Meaning, I've read it before but I want to read it again.  It's call "Look Up For Yes" by Julia Tavalaro and Richard Tayson.  I don't remember all the details of the story, but I remember enough to know it was a book worth reading again.  It's about Julia (yes the author).  For some reason she had gone into a coma (one of the facts I can't remember--why she was in the coma).  Years later she awakes to realize she's paralyzed.  She spends more years trapped in her own body, where the staff at the hospital treat her like crap.  No one realizes that while her body is "dead", her mind is still there.  She knows what is going on, but is unable to speak.  And then finally someone notices this about her and helps her communicate.  It's a heartbreaking story with a good ending.  I highly recommend it to others.

That's about all I have for now.  Need to do some cleaning.  And apparently Miles seems to think he needs a new diaper haha.

Signed,

Super Mom

So Disappointed

Yesterday was pretty good.  So much so that Josie and I did some baking.  We haven't done that in a long time.  I'm usually just too tired or sore to stand that long.  But yesterday I made an effort.  We started with sugar cookies.  I'll admit it, we cheated.  I had a roll of cookie dough in the fridge.  I let her cut it and place it on the pan.  And then she decorated with sugar sprinkles.  It was loads of fun.  Lots of giggles.

They turned out pretty good.  Well, they should have considering it was premade dough haha.  But hey, I've been known to mess up something you can't mess up.  They were a little thin.  she didn't want to roll the dough into balls.  So since they were only about 1/2 inch thick when sliced, they were pretty thin when they finished baking.  But that's ok.  We both enjoyed some.  For some reason the twins didn't want any.

Once the twins were down for a nap and lunch was finished, we moved on to a pumpkin pie.  I had everything we needed for it left over from Thanksgiving.  And Josie has decided she likes pumpkin pie (Thanks to her kindergarten teacher).  I wanted apple pie, but since Josie said she wanted a pie she liked, that's what we went with, her pie.  And I let her do all the work.  Well, almost all.  I had to open the cans for her.  But she cracked the eggs, did all the mixing.  She even preheat the oven!  I had to put it in the oven though, didn't want to risk her dropping the pie, or worse, getting burned by the stove.

I am sad to say, I have no clue how the pie turned out.  This is where the title of the blog comes in.  No one had the chance to try the pie.  She stayed the night at a friend's house, so we didn't slice into it.  And I left the pie on the stove, back burner.  But Laney, our stupid dog, found a way to climb onto the stove and destroy our pie.  I woke up to find crust and smeared pie filling on the floor.  Josie is still at her friend's house, so she has no clue this has happened.  But she's going to be so disappointed when she finds out.  That stupid dog ruins everything.

I need to find a way to raise money to purchase a kennel for her.  I wanted so bad to not crate her up at night, but now it's either that or find her a new home.  Every night she manages to dig into the trash, or climb on the counters.  I don't get it.  She gets plenty to eat, I'm not starving her.  Just ugh I'm getting so tired of this crap!

Ok going to end this rant.  Hopefully Josie doesn't get too upset about the pie.  Not sure I have enough cash left to pie a new one (or the ingredients for one).

Signed,
Super Mom

Hey Hey It's Morning

Nothing new over here.  I'm still recovering from my hospital stay a few days ago.  Which means nothing is getting done.  My house is a total and complete war zone.  It's hard to walk around cleaning when I start feeling exhausted and dizzy after 10 minutes of standing.  So I think today I'll try to just focus on laundry.  Kids have an early out, which means I'll make Tori help me with the house cleaning.  It's her chore to straighten up the living room and clean the kitchen counters.  So that'll help me a lot.

I'm somehow managing to get behind on bills.  Not bad.  And it's just the lot rent.  I need to call the park manager and let her know what's up.  Going to pay at least part today and let her know the rest will come on the 9th.  So it's not too bad.  Not like I'm going to forever stay a month behind.  Just a week short of paying the whole month at once.  This happens every year.  Do great all year round then December hits and I'm sitting here going "which bill do I skip for now?".  No matter what I have left in the bank though, I always pay at least part of the bill.  If I can't pay it in whole, then I aim for at least half.  This way it doesn't keep stacking so high that I can never get caught up.  And it allows whatever company it is to know that hey at least I'm trying.  Or rather I'm hoping that's what they'll see.  Such as if they were to shut off the internet I'm hoping I can say "if you look I've kept up every month until now and I did make a partial payment".  It's worked in the past.

I really should be napping right now.  Kids are gone to school.  Twins are sleeping.  All week they've slept until somewhere between 8am and nearly 9am.  It's now 7:45am.  But nope instead I'm sitting here just rambling away.  Afraid to lay down now.  I fight with myself.  What if they wake up in the next 15 minutes?  But then I counter with what if they don't wake up for another hour.  I hate to get all comfortable only to have to get back up so soon.  So I don't want to risk getting situated, start dozing off and then the boys wake up.  I'll just end up in a bitchy mood.

I managed a load of dishes this morning.  That's when you know the house is bad.  If I'm doing dishes before 7am (heck before noon for that matter).  I had intended on taking a shower after the kids left.  But instead I did dishes.  Kinda needed too.  No clean bowls or spoons left.  Plus the pots were taking up a lot of space.  I was relieve to see there weren't a ton of dishes in the sink.  Having a couple pots stacked can make you think every dish in your cabinets is piled in the sink.  I do still have dirty dishes in there, but don't think it's enough for a full load.  Not that it matters, I'm out of dishwasher soap.  I can't hand wash dishes.  For several reasons.  Standing that long is terrible.  I'd have to scrub them clean, rinse, dry and put away right there.  Otherwise the cats would climb all over my clean dishes (I hate cats on the counters--yuck!).  And that is too much strain on my back.  Plus the brushes I scrub dishes with now are not suitable for wash and eat.  I only use them now because after I scrub (yep with soap) I put them in the dishwasher.  And our sink won't hold water for me to make dishwasher (which again is yuck!).  It grosses me out to think of piling dishes into dishwater and then eat from them afterwards.  But that's just me.  I can't do it.  My mom does, and that's fine.  But I can't do it with my own dishes (haha).

I really hate laundry.  See, now I'm just procrastinating.  I don't really have anything else to discuss.  But I'm trying to avoid the 4 baskets of laundry that need to be sorted, folded and put away.  I'm so going to be lazy with this.  Tori and James can fold their own stuff.  So I'm just going to toss their clothes on their beds haha.  What's going to slow me down is Miles & Emmit's clothes.  With them still sleeping I won't be able to put them away.  So I'll stack them in a basket and then they'll get buried.

Oh that reminds me.  I just might try getting rid of Josie's dresser.  I'm not sure if I want to or not though.  She's now in her own room, which means she's using the dresser that is in there.  Not the one in her old room (where she was sharing with Tori, but had her own dresser).  It's a decent dresser.  Works fine for one person or a kid.  More so for a kid though.  I'm not even sure it would be the right size for myself, and I don't have a lot of clothes (reminds me, I so need to get rid of some shirts.  One drawer crammed full plus some is just too many for one person!).

Ok ok.  I'm going to call my Momma while I fold laundry.  Maybe that'll help pass the time.

Signed,
Super Mommy